Q: What exactly is this website?
A: NOSHKONG is a website devoted to the comforts of food and cuisine. Our coverage is sure to keep readers in the know about the hottest trends in dining and food, while making them forget about the horrors of the world like bronchitis, stepping in dog shit, Twitter, or all of the above.
Q: Why did you pick the name NOSHKONG?
A: We picked the name NOSHKONG because it not only sounds silly, but it represents the jarring noises we make when we are shoving food in our mouths.
Q: Who writes all of the posts?
A: We have a talented team of writers who are provided with gracious portions of Adderall, blue Gatorade, and oats. They’re unmarried and don’t have children, so it’s OK.
Q: Can I write something for NOSHKONG?
A: You can absolutely write something for NOSHKONG. E-mail the editor at Editor@NOSHKONG.com and pitch your story. He doesn’t have much going on, so there’s a good chance he’ll respond back to you in an almost alarmingly quick amount of time.
Q: Do you really think advertisers are gonna give money to this site?
A: Pfft, advertising? When have they ever gotten it right? But yeah, that’s the goal. Advertisers, please contact our editor at Editor@NOSHKONG.com for all inquiries. We’re not above anything. Dick pills, steroids, skin creams, Golden Corral–send ‘em our way.
Q: So this isn’t really about food is it?
A: Well, it is, but y’know, it’s more about who we are as a species, what we do, and why we do it. Like, have you ever been around someone who was OK with everything and thought, Jesus, how many internal battles must I fight in order to achieve that level of acceptance and enlightenment? And then you realize that you don’t need to fight any battles. The fact you even start battles with yourself is the problem. Life doesn’t need to be spectacular, but it also doesn’t need to be miserable. It can just be life and you can relax every now and again.
Q: Can I start my own site as a manifestation of the demons I battle on a daily basis?
A: Whoa whoa whoa, this is not what this is about! I mean, sure, everyone has their issues, but your demons are your own and how you choose to deal with them has nothing to do with starting a website as a means to distance yourself from the reality of having to face them via creative expression and satire. But the short answer to this is yes, yes you may.
Q: But aren’t we all battling the tyranny of being bland? Why not just get married, have kids, and buy a house like everyone else? A website? Really?
A: Ok–let’s just pause for a second and take a deep breath.
Q: So what is your purpose?
A: It’s the same as yours. To work with what we got, do the best we can, and not feel ashamed for having nachos for both lunch and dinner.
Q: Do you like me?
A: Yes, I do. But do you like you? I think you know the answer to that, sweet NOSHKONG reader.