How to Tell If You Are Drinking Red Wine or White Wine

The rewards of a good glass of wine far exceed any other beverage. Wine brings us together–in celebration, in grief, and in that weird phase of life when you’re in your mid-20’s and think it’s time to be “more mature”.

Wine. Nature’s great elixir. At the end of a long day, a good glass awaits. Is it red? Or is it white? Read on as we closely examine the difference. Continue reading →

Our 6 Favorite Apps that Remind Us We’re Out-of-Shape Pieces of Shit

Science has shown that most of us can’t go 40 seconds without looking at our phones. You’re looking at yours right now for crying out loud. I mean, Jesus, take a break and experience what it’s like to feel something.

Anyway, because of our obsession with phones, more and more people are downloading apps to maintain a balanced lifestyle. And then there’s everyone else. The following are our favorite apps that defy the sound logic and reasoning of diet and exercise and instead point out how you might’ve lost out in the gene pool.  Continue reading →

The 9 Most Essential Foods for Silencing Your Demons

We all have our foibles and we’re all human beings with the exception of the guy who defends the music of The Doors. Life is tough. Without the comfort of our favorite foods, we’d have no way to cope with the demons that burrow deep into our conscious, and tear away at every fiber of morality with their fangs. The next time you’re awake until sunrise and can’t jack off back to sleep, give these essential foods a try.

1. An entire sack of corn chips

An old time fave! Continue reading →

We Divulge All of Trader Joe’s Secrets

Ever walk into Trader Joe’s and ask, “Hey what’re those bells ringing?” Or maybe you were scoping out all the fun and exciting items and thought, “Who comes up with these silly names for these products??” Have you ever walked the aisles, basket in hand, and asked yourself, “Do I really enjoy feeding my family this crap, or is this an act of psychological egoism wherein I only feel good because I’m the one responsible for it?” Well read on! We’re spilling all of Trader Joe’s secrets! Continue reading →

The 11 Most Anticipated Potatoes This Spring

Potato season is year-round on our calendars! As the snow melts and the depression becomes less of an excuse and more of a warning, we can’t help, but get excited about these dishes. Keep your “eyes peeled” for our best “spuds” and remember: the Universe is vast and vacuous and we are merely biding our time before entering the void. See ya “tater”!

1. Tater Tots 

Our list begins with a classic dish that’s as American as botched plastic surgery. Continue reading →