The announcement of a musical based on the Five Guys Burgers & Fries menu seemed promising. I say this as a food “critic”. As a theater-goer, I don’t really know how to process what I just watched without thinking about how far we’ve come from Shakespeare.
The Five Guys Burgers & Fries Musical starts off like any other production. There is a wild overture reminiscent of an era of musical theater that my mom really likes. (My mom also got the hiccups from laughing at the first “Home Alone”.) We see a choreographed number featuring a lot of happy fries and burgers tapping along to the soundtrack of what I can only imagine is a nightmarish Hellscape. Hieronymous Bosch might be inspired by such a number, but of course, not to paint, instead to vomit.
Much like the business model of Five Guys Burgers & Fries, this production seems so hazy and, yet, successful on a very small and one-dimensional level.
I’m still unsure of what the plot of the show was because I was too distracted by a character known only as “Pickle Jay”, who only appears when a customer orders pickles on their burger. Why this happens–I don’t know. Much like the business model of Five Guys Burgers & Fries, it all seems so hazy and yet, successful on a very small and one-dimensional level.
The main characters are (you guessed it) five guys who start a burger and fries restaurant. The antagonist is an evil nutritionist known simply as Delores. Delores’ primary objective is to get Americans more conscientious of their heart health through diet and exercise. The Five Guys will have none of that. They will serve burgers and milkshakes and more fries than a human should consume and it’s all in the name of joy and probably a little diabetes.
Anyway, the show ends with a gigantic number about free toppings on your burger complete with razzle, dazzle and oh yes, Pickle Jay. Honestly, when I meet someone who prefers Five Guys over all other burger joints, I don’t particularly get it. Five Guys is kinda like if a Shake Shack burger had an affair with a Whopper and spawned a kid with no life skills or self-awareness. This is kinda what the show was like, too.