Trevor’s a good guy (kinda). He likes quoting Michael Scott and intermittent fasting and complaining about Game of Thrones and he once tried to get us all to call him T-Boss, which we refused to do.
Last night, Trevor took shrooms and kept going on and on about all these food myths that we insisted on doing a little research. The following are those myths with some fact-checking.
#1 “You gotta drink orange juice if you wanna speed up your trip. The Vitamin C activates something in your brain and counters the effects of drugs”
MYTH. Trevor might’ve heard this from a guy at Bonnaroo who goes by “MoonDream” and who lives in a van when he’s not living with his aunt in Asheville, North Carolina.
#2 “My dad once put his butt in a bowl of rice pudding and everyone does that shit now”
TRUTH. We can’t say for sure if Trevor’s dad started it, however, the activity is a popular one.
#3 “Jesus Christ there’s a Dorito stuck in my throat!!!”
MYTH. There was not a Dorito stuck in his throat, necessarily. Trevor had dry-mouth and decided to eat Doritos instead of a cup of Jell-O, like we told him to, when we stopped at a 7-Eleven.
#4 “OK for real, does anybody have a Dr. Pepper or a ginger ale I can sip on? My mouth is like a fuckin’ Tuscon sandbox right now”
TRUTH. Yep, Trevor was thirsty and he had that hilarious, panicked look on his face. The one where people are tripping balls and don’t know what to do.
#5 “(inaudible hacking) Guys, I’m choking and I think I might die from a Dorito…”
TRUTH. Technically speaking, yes, Trevor might die from a Dorito, but the odds of that are slim. In this case, we just weren’t sure.
#6 “My name is Trevor and I am a sentient being who is confronting his mortality in the most peculiar way and this was not what I thought the Universe had in store for me and I might die tonight at the hands of nacho powder and pressed corn, which is the least poetic way to die, but at the same time we’ve always been in the pocket of corporations, more now than ever, so in a way, this is exactly what they want to happen and fuck them and fuck Frito Lay, and fuck Donna Horowitz for breaking up with me in 10th grade, and I should’ve gotten Jell-O instead of a bag of these triangular, death traps.”
TRUTH. Yep, all of this. 100%.
#7 “OK I’m good. Finally swallowed that Dorito. So anyway, a shadow government poisons our food supply and that’s why I’m going vegan.”
MYTH. Oy vey…
Comment below with your thoughts on Trevor’s food myths!