A bill that took years to draft, has finally had enough “gas to pass”. Vermont legislators, often known for “cutting the cheese”, have officially made it illegal to hold in your farts while at any restaurant in the state. The bill had enough momentum and support to finally come to fruition after almost 6 years of “flapping in the wind”.
But seriously folks, holding in your farts in any Vermont restaurant can bring a maximum penalty of 5 years in a minimum security jail. The new law seeks to ease the social taboos and health risks associated with trapping gas in your belly, which was responsible for at least 8 deaths in Vermont in 2018.
The new law seeks to ease the social taboos and health risks associated with trapping farts in your guts, which was responsible for at least 8 deaths in Vermont in 2018.
Vermont, often known for its progressive politics, hopes to do for farts what Colorado has done for legal marijuana. Senator Patrick Leahy, he’s the one that doesn’t sound like a butcher from Brooklyn in 1936, has commented on the issue:
“It’s important we don’t hold in farts, especially while we are eating. The effects of Flatulent Withholdings, the medical term for the condition, are far too grand to ignore and Vermont is at the forefront of this radical new approach to health. Much like Colorado has paved the way to rid the nation of the stigma of ingesting marijuana, Vermont will do the same to revolutionize fart laws. If you’re in a restaurant, let it out like you would anywhere else.”
“I think it’s great,” said Christine Shmistine, a long-time resident of Burlington. “We fart in our cars, our homes, our cubicles at work, so why not in restaurants? And everywhere I walk I smell puffs of rancid gas like I do pungent weed, so people are doing it anyway. Just legalize it.”
The bill will go into effect on September 1st. Restaurants have already begun anticipating the legislature by removing broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower from their menus, but not cheese. One thing Vermont will always be known for is cutting their own cheese.
Tell us what you think about this new law. Contact NOSHKONG!