Our earliest memories of grapefruit are of dieting fads. A packet of sweetener would accompany the hacked in half fruit, then served to mom with a serrated spoon while we all dug into burgers and fries at the diner, Billy Joel playing in the background. A lot of time has passed. The kids are grown up, the diner burned down, and Billy Joel hasn’t released a new album in 26 years. So like, what is your deal grapefruit? You’re still around, but we have no idea what you want from us.
Let’s start with the fact that grapefruit is like the pissed off older brother of the orange–a real Wayne Arnold if there ever was one. It’s bitter and fibrous and after one bite it can set your gums on fire. Some would suggest a lemon does the same, by y’know what? Lemons aren’t starved for attention. They know their place on the flavor spectrum and don’t insist they be eaten on their own, UNLIKE GRAPEFRUIT AHEM.
Many have tried to highlight grapefruit’s sweet side, but like any manipulative Narcissist, grapefruit always finds a way to make it about them…
There are folks who’ve tried to take in grapefruit, like it’s their dear friend who just needs a little love and support. La Croix comes to mind, as does Haribo. Each has tried to highlight grapefruit’s sweeter side, but like any manipulative Narcissist, grapefruit always finds a way to make it about them, ultimately ruining a good time.
Quite frankly, we’re tired of grapefruit’s bullshit. The lies, the deception, the projection of an image that isn’t warranted. We’re on to you, grapefruit, and your gaslighting ways. After all these years, we’re walking away.
No longer will we allow ourselves to believe that you hurt us because you love us. No longer will we buy into the notion you’re only looking out for us, that you’re a misunderstood fruit, and that it’s not your fault you turned out this way.
There are plenty of other ways to get Vitamin C, so guess what, grapefruit? You’re finished! Next time, try not being so bitter. People might actually welcome you in.
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