We’ve all been there–frustrated, tired, ready to walk away and then at that exact moment is when our mortal enemy does something to completely turn our universe into a fiery Hellscape of rage. Maybe it’s a post on Instagram, or maybe they wore the same awesome Megadeth shirt as you, or maybe they slept with your girlfriend even though she insists you two were on a break and that this was necessary in order to really see where you two stand WHATEVER! Your enemy deserves to be punished…
Your enemy deserves to have a bottle of vinegar smashed in their face.
Lucky for you, we have the insight on how to smash a bottle of vinegar in your enemy’s face and all it takes is one simple trick. First, locate your enemy, whether it’s at work, at their home, or where they’ve geotagged themselves on social media. It’s not hard nowadays to be a predatory lunatic. You think it’s a coincidence you keep bumping into people at the Trader Joe’s on Friday night?
Be sure you have a bottle of vinegar. We can’t stress this enough. If you’re going to smash a bottle of vinegar in your enemy’s face, you’re gonna need a bottle of vinegar.
Next, be sure you have a bottle of vinegar. We can’t stress this enough. If you’re going to smash a bottle of vinegar in your enemy’s face, you’re gonna need a bottle of vinegar. It honestly doesn’t matter what kind. Balsamic, apple cider, even white vinegar will work.
And finally, the one simple trick to smashing a bottle of vinegar in your enemy’s face, is to come at them from the top. The mistake most psychopaths make when they’ve written an entirely different narrative of reality in their head is that they will swing from the side with their bottle. By swinging down from the top, not only is there a better chance of the bottle smashing, but there might also be a height disadvantage, which may exonerate you in court. Of course, this is assuming you don’t plead insanity, which you should, because you may have trouble moving on from things.
NOSHKONG is now accepting submissions! Write for us by contacting us here!