The Federal Drug Administration released an official statement regarding the spate of incidents involving the discarding of cooking oil by throwing it in one’s own face. The FDA has officially advised against performing the activity, and they have the support of the Surgeon General, the Department of Health & Human Services, the Administration for Faces, and the National Cooking Oil Thing Place.
The incidents began almost three months ago when the very popular food blogging team of Joe Pooples and Henrietta Minnesota, who created and write for the blog titled “Kitchen Hints for Your Meaningless Life”, suggested that the best way to discard of cooking oil is to throw it in your own face, instead of spilling it down the drain. The bloggers did not clarify whether the oil needed to cool down first, leading many to perform the act while the oil was still scalding hot.
“If you’re the kind of person who throws cooking oil in your own face then by God, you probably got what you deserve. But since we’re a government organization, we have to take time away from our real work and say something about this, so listen: DO NOT THROW COOKING OIL IN YOUR OWN FACE.”
In the statement, the FDA says, “Are you fucking nuts? Like, when you’re parents were raising you, was there a point in time where they showed you how to stick a fork in an electric socket? I mean, Jesus Christ! If you’re the kind of person who throws cooking oil in your own face then by God, you probably got what you deserve. But since we’re a government organization, we have to take time away from our real work and say something about this, so listen, DO NOT THROW COOKING OIL IN YOUR OWN DUMB FACE.”
The FDA also suggests that if you want to properly discard of cooking oil, do what everyone else does: spill it down the sink drain and pretend like you didn’t.
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