Peeps Death Toll Continues to Rise in Wake of Easter Sunday Massacre

marshmallow peeps candy for easter

Reports from around the world, specifically in the United States, are pouring in with numbers of Peeps massacred this past Easter Sunday. At press time, the number was almost 1.5 million Peeps. The number is expected to climb.

The magnitude of the massacre is one that has not been seen thus far in our history. In the past, Peeps have been subjected to tumultuous circumstances including being contained in prison-like boxes, forcibly removed and thoroughly chewed. However, in modern times, it is not uncommon to witness Peeps being blown up in microwaves, humiliated on top of cakes, and what might be considered the most excruciating form of torture–blended into Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and served to the public.

 

It is not uncommon to witness Peeps being blown up in microwaves, humiliated on top of cakes, and what might be considered the most excruciating form of torture–blended into Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and served to the public.

 

The marshmallowy bloodthirst for Peeps began back in the 1950’s in Pennsylvania. The sweet chicks were being bred and raised almost as quickly as they were being adopted by families with small children who would savagely bite into them. Stories of decapitations and other mutilations to the Peeps’ bodies began to circulate. Many historians suggest it is these stories that gave rise to the frequent massacres of Peeps on an annual basis. Candy-makers believe that these stories fueled the marketing of Peeps to be tortured and murdered on Easter, a holiday known for eggs and candy.

The families of Peeps will continue to mourn as reports flood in. Organizations have been playing rallies and march in the wake of the violence, but they have been scarcely attended. At one event planned by the People’s Organization of Peeps (P.O.O.P.), only seven attendees joined organizers outside of the House of Representatives in order to force legislature against the atrocities. The House was closed for the day.

Our condolences go to those affected by these tragedies as we continue to report on the situation.

 

Contact NOSHKONG.

 

About NOSHKONG

A food blog. Kinda.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s