Experts Warn Against Using a Banana Like It’s a Phone

banana phone

The Journal of Science ‘n Shit recently published a report stating the dangers of using a banana as if it were a telephone. In the report, many experts in the field of Fruit Communications state the following:

“The use of a banana as a means to communicate has now been proven to be a cause of long-term issues with mental health. Among the many volunteers for our study we observed, we noticed a tremendous amount of cases of delusions of grandeur (where a subject believed they were too important to not talk to on the phone); personality disorders including extreme paranoia that their call was being ignored; and behavior associated with that white guy on Scrubs who constantly has daydreams.”

(The) excessive use of using a banana as a phone may stunt growth and development, especially in idiotic adults and children.

Using a banana as a phone is not a recent trend, necessarily, and has been known to take place since as far back as the 1850’s, when bananas were known as “Sister Mary’s boomerang”. Many scholars, laureates, and notable figures have partaken in using a banana as a phone. The act was immortalized in the early 90’s by Raffi with his album and title song, “Bananaphone”.

Those who have used a banana as a phone have gone on to become CEO’s, elected officials, Award-winning filmmakers, and neurosurgeons. However, The JS ‘n S warns that excessive use of using a banana as a phone may stunt growth and development, especially in idiotic adults and children.

If you know someone who is using a banana as a phone, calmly pretend like you are on the other line, orchestrate a way to end the call, then eat the banana.

 

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