A nation is divided over the spelling of one of its traditional side dishes. For centuries, baked beans were served alongside eggs, back bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, toast and blood sausage as part of a full English breakfast. However, the United Kingdom, for better or worse, has voted to change the spelling of beans to reflect its nationalism in what many consider to be a controversial vote.
At the core of the issue, according to those who support the change in spelling, is immigration or rather, fears that immigrants are slowly usurping Great Britain and its resources.
“English values are increasingly being phased out in favor of codswallop! The word is pronounced as if spelled with two E’s and that’s how it shall be noted,” says Marjorie Orangebottom.
“The whole thing is silly, really. Dreadful even,” says Winnington Featherlox, a baker in Manchester, England. “All this chatter on proper English values and they’re only beans. Bloody beans for God’s sakes!”
Marjorie Orangebottom begs to differ, though. The owner of Boxton, a Michelin-starred eatery in the lobby of the Hamshire Tower Hotel, comments, “English values are increasingly being phased out in favor of codswallop! The word is pronounced as if spelled with two E’s and that’s how it shall be noted. B-EE-ans. Beeans!”
While many think the vote is in poor taste and indicative of isolationism in the face of the global community, others believe it is the only way to maintain safety in the age of terrorism, and to steady the economy. The latter are the reasons for the vote to change the spelling.
The voting panned out as follows:
- England – 51.9% in favour
- Wales – 53.4% o blaid hynny
- Northern Ireland – 57.2% folks acting the maggot, aye
- Scotland 64% – ess nawt royyt, laddie!
Citizens can expect to see the new spelling–“Beeans”– to appear once the Prime Minister and Parliament are in agreement on a deal that satisfies all parties and their agendas for a smooth rollout.
Thoughts on Beeans? Tell us about it!