Instant Pots are the trendy kitchen fad currently bowling over divorced fathers and other people who are easily impressed. The gadget is known to speed up pressure cooking and slow cooking, while also offering a simpler way to make rice, yogurt, and other colon-friendly treats. However, the lingering question on everyone’s minds has been: What if I wore this fuckin’ thing on my head? Well, luckily, you don’t have to…because we’ve done it for you!
Is it possible to pressure cook your own head? Would you want to? How would it taste? Well, these are questions perhaps too large to answer with one post. What we do know, though, is that an Instant Pot is not sized for heads.
We initially struggled to comfortably fit the Instant Pot on our heads. We tried greasing our heads with butter, olive oil, motor oil, Slayonnaise, conditioner, saliva, and Vaseline until the Instant Pot slid snugly into place.
Is it possible to pressure cook your own head? Would you want to? How would it taste?
Initial thoughts included: ‘Well hot damn, I am wearing an Instant Pot on my noggin!”; “There is darkness in the world, but there is also Instant Pots…”; and “I wonder if it is possible to pressure cook my own head”. After 15 full minutes donning the Instant Pot, a mutual wave of apathy and indifference swept over us. We had no purpose to believe in and no challenge to conquer. This seemed meaningless.
That is, until we decided to pressure cook our own heads.
With a bit of assistance, we set our Instant Pots to begin pressure cooking, while still on top of our heads. The inability to seal the Instant Pot certainly worked against us, as our heads began cooking unevenly. At one point, someone mentioned it would take almost 24 hours to fully pressure cook our heads. Were we willing to wait that long?
In the end, we decided no. Our heads were only partially cooked and thus, unfit for consumption. Eating raw meat can be hazardous and we aren’t stupid. We opted for safety.
Have you worn an Instant Pot on your head? Tell us about it!