Love hurts. I mean, right? But nothing cures the pain like a good meal immediately following an argument you’re having in your head with your ex. Try these delicious dishes following your next (imaginary) victory!
Spaghetti with Meatballs
An all-time classic, this dish has it all. The comforts of familiarity combined with the heavy starch and protein that can help bury those pesky emotions that creep into your conscience. Get a good twirl of spaghetti and cheer up. The past is the past. Once you’re through with this hearty meal, you’ll feel better about the present. Mangia!
Bacon Cheeseburger Alone at the Bar without Using any Napkins
Hey, sometimes getting sloppy is a lot of fun. Who do you need to impress Mr./Ms. SinglePants?? Skip the table, head right to the bar, and order the bacon cheeseburger. Calories are for suckers and so are napkins. Get sloppy, bitch, because you are freeeeeeee!
Whatever’s The Special at the Restaurant You “Accidentally” Went to on the Same Night Your Ex is There
Oh whoopsie daisy! Look who happens to be at the Oak Plains Tavern on the same night as you! It’s your ex and hot damn what a coincidence! Better order the special because this isn’t like any other night. This is a special occasion for you and only you and maybe your ex who is at another table on a date and hasn’t noticed you, yet. Be sure to order it loudly, with very clear diction, and don’t forget to remind the waiter how much you love coming here.
Caesar Salad in the Waiting Room of Your Shrink
That was quite a scene you made last night, Bub. Jesus, no one knew someone could get so angry at something so trivial like a waiter bringing the check too soon, but…here we are. Park yourself in the waiting room of your psychologist and enjoy that Caesar salad. It’s from that place your ex once took you to. You know the one. It’s where you argued about splitting the bill but was it really about that? Methinks not, hashtag control freak.
Free Packets of Honey at Starbucks
What does any of this mean? What is love? Is it real? Or is it a conceptual device designed to excuse the absence of awareness? Love can’t be built. Real, unconditional love can only exist in one form and that’s from a parent to a child, but that’s a whole other post. Trust. That’s what this is all about. Two people coming together to forge a lifelong bond is more about the trust that follows the initial lust and physical attraction between each other than anything, right? Some people lack the ability to trust. They don’t trust themselves any more than they can trust another person. It’s no coincidence divorce rates are so high. People don’t love each other. They trust each other and that takes a lot of work. Most folks aren’t equipped to handle that workload. (sigh) At least these honey packets are free at Starbucks. Well, until they kick you out for not ordering anything.
Cheers! Today is a brand new day! No more stewing on the past. No better way to turn the page than getting drunk on 5-dollar vodka!
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