The Year In Sauce

year in sauce

2018 YEAR in REVIEW

 

As 2018 winds to a close, we fondly look back at a year loaded with sauce. There were highs, there were lows, but most importantly of all, there was sauce. Let’s recap!

JANUARY

Prego releases a line of scented candles based on their line of pasta sauces.  Scents include Chunky Tomato & Mushroom, Four Cheese, and Traditional. The idea is to fill your house with the alluring aroma of pasta sauce, then reveal there is no food and have everyone hate you.

FEBRUARY

Shandong Airlines Flight #227 crashes in the Yellow Sea en route to South Korea from the Chinese province the airline is named after. All 102 passengers aboard perished in the crash, which experts are blaming on the plane using hoisin sauce (instead of gasoline) to fuel the aircraft.

MARCH

Sean Connolly, CEO of ConAgra Foods, accepts an invitation from Paul Polman, CEO of Unilever, to discuss the denuclearization of their companies’ sauces. The meeting is the first for the two leaders and a tentative agreement is struck to remove radioactive ingredients from their products.

APRIL

Alfredo Sauce, inventor of alfredo sauce, passes away at the age of 97. Many people throughout history were unaware the sauce was named for a person.

MAY

NASA launches the unmanned spaceprobe Frontier One to the planet Mars. The mission is to land on the red planet by November and conduct geological drilling for Sriracha.

JUNE

The 2018 Hollandaise Cup is held at Trendy Rachel’s Brunch Bucket restaurant in Raleigh, North Carolina. Participants compete to see who can successfully snort the most hollandaise sauce, then scream ‘What’s up, bitches???” This year’s winner was Albert Toucan, a financial analyst.

JULY

Twelve boys, aged 9 – 13, and their soccer coach get trapped in a cave in Bolivia for ten days. They survive on the jars of salsa they won as 3rd place finishers at a soccer tournament sponsored by Newman’s Own. They also ate their assistant coach.

AUGUST

CNN airs a fiery debate between those who classify sour cream as a sauce against those who believe it is a condiment. Violence erupts as 17 are rushed to a nearby hospital with various injuries. CNN issues an apology, despite scheduling a 2nd debate for 2019.

SEPTEMBER

The Supreme Court of Canada decriminalizes applesauce. The legislation paves the way not just for applesauce to be served for dessert, but as an economic material solution to infrastructure problems such as re-paving highways, patching concrete, and insulating buildings.

OCTOBER

The Sauce Awards air on BET (Butter Entertainment Television). “Gravy” Jane Thompson wins the Lifetime Achievement Award and is celebrated for her contributions to sauce and leading the charge for sauce equality.  

NOVEMBER

Gluten-free, vegan, non-GMO, nitrite-free, sodium-free, water soluble, cage-free, organic mushroom slime outsells all brands of jarred turkey gravy during the Thanksgiving holiday. A true sign of the times on the American dinner table.

DECEMBER

Preparations begin for the first ever Soy Sauce Games, to be held in Seoul, South Korea. The Games will be a celebration of soy sauce with events including “The Soy Sauce Chug”, a 200m swim in soy sauce, and “Freestyle Soy Sauce Dancing”.

Let us know how your sauce is doing. Contact us!

About NOSHKONG

A food blog. Kinda.

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