Five Dead After Fight to Remember Who the Cookie Crisp Mascot Was

camping fight

A camping trip ended in bloodshed when a group of lifelong friends escalated an argument about who the mascot for Cookie Crisp cereal was. The group was discovered in the north section of the Pine Billy Woods by a couple on a hike. There was one survivor who shared details of the fight that ended the lives of five of his friends.

The survivor, Brian Typewriter, told authorities that his friends were simply enjoying their weekend in the woods. While the group was sharing laughs, according to Mr. Typewriter, another camper began to howl like a wolf. Another camper joked the howl sounded like the Cookie Crisp mascot, “y’know the wolf on the commercials” said Brian. And then tempers flared.

Mr. Typewriter, commenting from his hospital bed after suffering multiple stab wounds, recounted the story: “There was no reception because we were in the woods, y’know? But some people were saying the Cookie Crisp mascot is a wolf, and other people were like, fuck no, it’s a cop and robber. We couldn’t Google it. And then…things got bad.”

According to Mr. Typewriter, one friend stabbed another right through his penis with a stick he was using to make S’mores. Another friend brandished a sword he found in his dad’s home dojo and decapitated another, screaming “IT’S A GODDAMN COP & ROBBER WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS???” As the group stared in shock, two other friends accosted the swordsman, wrestled away the sword, and threw him into the arms of a nearby bear who squeezed the life out of him. Mr. Typewriter scrambled to find a way to protect himself and it was at this point that someone insisted the mascot was a wizard and Mr. Typewriter tossed a live grenade at his face. The explosion killed that person and another.

A truly harrowing ordeal. Authorities are looking into the matter. There is no trace of the bear at this time and Mr. Typewriter insists he was acting in self-defense. So far, no charges have been made against him.

No telling how this incident may have been prevented. It’s the sixth Cookie Crisp mascot-related crime this year. As for who the Cookie Crisp mascot is, the debate rages on.


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Published by NOSHKONG

A food blog. Kinda.

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