It’s the first Tuesday of the month in America, which means we’re heading to the voting booth! As we awkwardly stand in line thanking our local senior citizens for showing us how to work technology (in an ironic turn of events), we must also consider our choices. The majority of races pertain to candidates, but others include propositions. Here now are a list of props on the ballot this November as they pertain to food and dining.
Proposition 21 in Ames, Iowa: A measure on the ballot that will determine whether or not it’s ok to smell a package of raw meat at the supermarket before smashing it in the cashier’s face.
Proposition 4 in Hawaii: Voters will decide whether or not fish can conduct electricity, specifically ahi tuna and ono varieties. If the proposition passes, these varieties of fish will replace light bulbs throughout the islands as a means of light supply.
Proposal Number 3 in Brooklyn, New York: Voters will decide on whether or not fast food, fast casual, or dine-in chain restaurants will be required to place a bucket filled halfway with vomit at their doors to remind of the dangers of food poisoning. (Opponents say this violates health codes, while supporters align this proposal with the calorie displays on menus.)
Proposition 33 in Greenville, South Carolina: For this proposition, citizens of Greenville will decide once and for all who makes the best peach cobbler, “Mama” Rae Sellinger who operates Mama’s Sweets, or “Mama” Dee Bedford, who also operates Mama’s Sweets.
Proposal 1 in Maryland: A proposal that will allow bar owners to let dogs tend bar at least once a week. This proposal has come under fire from animal rights organizations as they protest that dogs should be able to bartend more than one day a week.
Proposition 16 in Hattiesburg, Mississippi: Voters will decide if it’s legal to bathe children in tubs of Jägermeister. This measure comes on the heels of a stunt where the city’s water supply was replaced with Jägermeister, which also happened to be sponsored by Jägermeister.
Proposition 27 in Utah: On the ballot is a measure where it will be determined if it is legal to dip your genitals in Miracle Whip during a therapy session.
Proposition 8 in San Jose, California: A proposition that will require those registered with Yelp to pay a nominal fee any time they decide to write a negative review. The fee will be based on how many times the registered user has been dumped and/or whether or not they have ever asked to speak with a manager at brunch.
Proposal 2 in Asbury Park, New Jersey: A proposed ban on dipping anything in ketchup while operating a motor vehicle based on a spate of recent deaths as a result of the activity.
Proposition 3 in Topeka, Kansas: A measure on the ballot that makes it legal for Sonic Drive-In to keep running those oddly satisfying commercials with those two goofballs that feels like they’ve had this gig for 25 years.
Proposition 17 in Rochester, New York: Voters will decide on whether or not they wish to shoot each other in the face with cans of root beer they just violently shook.
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