Last week, Apple rolled out their new iOS, and with it, a fresh batch of new emojis. Among the new additions are a raccoon, a fire extinguisher, and one, in particular, that has sparked outrage: a veggie burger.
While the veggie burger has comfortably made its way onto menus across the nation, there still remains a point of contention with acknowledging its place in American cuisine. Carnivores and advocates for more meat in Americans’ diets largely oppose the inclusion of the veggie burger as an emoji because they are insecure and have inadequate genitalia.
Meanwhile, vegetarians have questioned the authenticity of the emoji, which is very simply a carrot wedged between hamburger buns.
“It looks like a lazy attempt to appease vegetarians,” texted an anonymous vegetarian to this publication. “I mean honestly, a fuckin’ carrot between two buns? And wouldn’t it make more sense to use a hot dog bun? What the fuck is this?” The vegetarian then proceeded to walk in front of a moving bus (according to witnesses). No word on her condition.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit asinine to have an emoji for a fuckin’ veggie burger? I mean, I don’t give a shit if people eat them. But like, can’t you just use the regular hamburger emoji?” wondered Domenick Insurance of Wichita, Kansas as he texted his wife before walking onto the highway and in front of a moving bus.
The veggie burger emoji won’t be going anywhere any time soon as Apple has released a statement they will not remove it from the updated iOS. As for the alarming increase in people walking in front of a bus, psychologists have chimed in.
Dr. Julie America, a renowned psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Community College texted us, “It’s very simple. Upon viewing the veggie burger emoji, phone users are subjected to a trauma associated with veggie burgers. That might vary from person to person. I’m looking at it right now and–” (Editor’s note: Dr. America walked in front of a moving bus before concluding her text.)
Apple is urging users to not walk in front of a bus upon seeing the new veggie burger emoji. To date, there have been 347 incidents linking the veggie burger emoji and people walking in front of a bus. Those incidents include:
- A man in Des Moines, Iowa was dining alone at a salad bar, then paid his bill and left the restaurant before walking in front of a bus while texting.
- In Denver, Colorado, a group of women were engaged in a group chat about brunch options when one sent the veggie burger emoji. She then walked in front of a bus.
- A teen in Rochester, New York was crossing the street to meet his girlfriend. As he received a text from her with the veggie burger emoji, he walked in front of a bus.
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