Texas Bar Bans Customers from Calling Employees “Stinky Fart Nipple Dicks”

Texas restaurant

The owner of a Waco, Texas bar is putting his foot down. Since 1988, customers have taken to carrying on the tradition of calling the staff of Fat Lou’s Meat Symphony a name that will no longer fly. Originally a promotion, the bar is now banning its customers from using the phrase “Stinky Fart Nipple Dicks” when referring to servers, bartenders, buspersons, or any related staff.

Fat José, who now owns the establishment, and is the son of original owners Fat Lou and Fat Patricia, decided to put the ban in place when he noticed the morale of staff dipping to low levels.

“Hell, it’s as if customers don’t even realize what they’re saying to another human being,” said Fat José. “You can’t go around spreading hate like that. We live in a different world now. ‘Stinky Fart Nipple Dick’ is about as offensive as it gets.”

Fat José’s wife, Ugly Marge, who does all the accounting and manages the staff, is a vocal supporter of her husband.

“If you come into Fat Lou’s and use derogatory language such as calling any member of our staff a ‘Stinky Fart Nipple Dick’, you will be escorted out of our bar and restaurant, and forbidden from returning. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a regular. Just last week we banned Homo Steve for calling one of our waitresses a Stinky Fart Nipple Dick. She didn’t deserve that. Lazy-Eye Grace is a model employee who should be able to do her job without the insults.”

How did this get started? In 1988, while Fat Lou and Fat Patricia were still at the helm, they decided to run a promotion to drum up business. They ran an ad in a local newspaper that simply said: “Come on down to Fat Lou’s Meat Symphony for a good ol’ fashioned, heart-stoppin’ meat feast! And if you ain’t satisfied, call us a buncha Stinky Fart Nipple Dicks and we’ll give you 25% off your meal!” As expected, the promotion took off.

“I was only a teenager, but business started booming,” recalls Fat Jose. “We started getting all sorts of customers and a whole lot of regulars. There was Redneck Dan, Flat-Chested Jennifer, Droolin’ Debbie, Stumpy Dave, Kevin the Walking Vietnam War Flashback, the Jew Twins, and a sweet family of 5 who came in every Sunday that we all just called The Dirtbags ’cause they couldn’t afford new clothes. Good folks, though.”

Fat José doesn’t anticipate losing business because of the recent rules. He also takes umbrage at the idea that Texas can’t be a place for progress and change.

“Texas gets a bad rap sometimes, but we’re good folks here. We care for each other and we’re more than happy to squash offensive and derogatory language. In fact, last week we held a wedding ceremony for two of our most beloved, charitable, and well-known regulars: Retarded Ken and Maria the Cunt. We wish them luck!”


Contact: Editor@NOSHKONG.com


Published by NOSHKONG

A food blog. Kinda.

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