Vladimir Putin Confirmed As Next Colonel Sanders

In a brazen move by KFC and it’s marketing team, Vladimir Putin has been cast as the next Colonel Sanders. The controversial Russian leader will appear in a series of ads hawking KFC’s brand new Crispy Fried Chicken Skins and Feet Combo.

KFC, known for irreverent ads and diabete-inducing food, currently has 6 locations open in Russia. The menu differs slightly from the American restaurants where customers can order buckets of fried chicken, along with items such as one called “The Pow Fuck Slam”, which is a large bucket filled with bird stew that’s meant to be slurped with a straw, and the “myasnyye poloski“, which is “grilled Siberian prostitute”.

The decision comes in the wake of an investigation into whether or not Russia meddled with American elections in 2016, and an investigation that has stretched as high up as the President of the United States.

Said a KFC spokesperson:

“We believe our chicken can be enjoyed by anyone, even Vladimir Putin. In no way does this reflect our political beliefs, nor does it insinuate any collusion on the part of the executive board of KFC and the Russian government to influence the fried chicken fast food market. The mere fact it’s even being brought up is suspect and KFC will not be a part of a witch hunt to prove whether or not the children of our CEO are currently being held in Moscow unless we make Putin the next Colonel Sanders.”

The ads will begin airing in the middle of September all the way through November 3rd, which is also the day Americans will hit the polls to vote for whoever Russia wants us to.

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