The citrusy zest of a lemon can brighten any dish, strengthen your hair, and help with loads of laundry. In fact, it is believed that lemons were used as far back as the 16th century to help cure diseases such as Grasshopper Feet and River Tush Fever.
Today, lemons are as multi-purpose as ever. In the spirit of our sour, citrusy friends, we compiled a list of hacks we bet you never knew could alienate so many people at once. Read on for tips with lemons that’ll make everyone close to you question whether or not you belong in an institution.
- Crush two whole lemons in your hands in the middle of a shopping mall food court to really express your anger in an unhealthy way. The tighter you squeeze the better. And don’t forget to clench your teeth real tight as you think of your ex!
- Upset with your neighbor? Contact “Life Gave You Lemons”. This service will anonymously send a dump truck of lemons to their house and unload them on their car until you feel you’ve made your point, or until you’re arrested, whichever comes first.
- Dip your genitals in a pitcher of ¾ cup of lemon juice and ¼ cup of rice flour. This will ensure no one bothers you at the gym, no one calls you to hang out, and no one believes you should be living on your own without strong medication.
- Removing lemon seeds when preparing a recipe can be a burden. A simple way to remove the seeds from a lemon is to shoot it with your gun until you are left with nothing, but a pile of pulp, lead, and denial.
- To recreate the pain of a breakup, squeeze one half of a lemon directly into your eyes until the unbearable pain of knowing you will be alone forever is replaced with glaucoma. Fun!
- Add freshly grated lemon zest to your family’s cereal in the morning to provide a reminder of a day-to-day existence that sometimes makes absolutely no sense at all. Also, a boost of vitamin C!
- Chewing on a lemon rind not only improves your dental health, it’ll help pass the time on your jail sentence for ordering a dump truck of lemons to be unloaded on your neighbor’s lawn.