For the third year in a row, yogurt has topped the ranks of disappointing lunches. The annual report, issued by the organization Proper Lunchtime Options for People (PLOP) placed the dairy dish at the top of their list based on its inability to sustain, lack of personality, and zero creativity.
“There’s just something incredibly unimpressive about yogurt for lunch. Even the ones that are basically flavored custard seem disappointing,” said Dwayne Norway, Chairman of the PLOP. “In my entire life, I’ve never looked forward to eating yogurt, even during times when I needed it to help with my constipation.”
It may be no coincidence that those who enjoy yogurt for lunch do so alone. Yogurt has proven to not be a very communal food and often makes you poop very quickly after you finish it. In fact, 7 in 10 participants in a recent study commented that they need to take a dump soon after finishing an oddly shaped cup of yogurt.
With yogurt flavors like Strawberry Banana, Key Lime Pie, Cinnamon Bun, and Chocolate Mousse, it’s a bit puzzling why consumers wouldn’t simply buy those items to eat for lunch unless, of course, they were very badly constipated and needed to take a shit.
“We beg to differ with these result and think yogurt is incredibly satisfying,” commented the CEO of a yogurt company that wishes to remain nameless (but rhymes with Yobani). “I eat yogurt every day for lunch and I can honestly say, it tastes great and I take regular dumps, 1 – 2 times a day.”