Go F**kin’ Nuts Today & Use Sliced Bread as a Hot Dog Bun

It’s Memorial Day and that means you’re either Instagramming your friends’ pale legs in shorts, or slamming grilled treats into your face. Hot dogs…hamburgers…potato salad that’s been sitting in the sun too long…Memorial Day is an American tradition of replacing emotions with heartburn via nitrites. Wanna amp that shit up? Here’s a suggestion:

Skip the hot dog buns and buy a loaf of bread. Bonus: Pass it off like you did it on purpose.

Look, we understand. Stores run out of hot dogs buns. Or, maybe you’re just so consumed with a soulless day-to-day existence grounded in practical decisions that trigger a sense of defeatism that hot dog buns find their way to the bottom of the priority list. We get it. We never thought it would be this way, either. One day you’re a kid watching wrestling with a glass of apple juice, then suddenly you’re an adult with a weird growth on your shoulder and your ex…hey! I’m getting distracted.

It honestly makes no difference. But in the event sliced bread is your go-to, then own it, my friend. Tell ‘em rye bread offers an entirely different flavor profile for your frankfurter. Say Ina Garten uses a $1.99 loaf of wheat bread for all her hot dogs. Inform folks that the Germans originally rolled their weiners in Wonder Bread before buns were invented. Have fun with it. You’ve got a personality everyone loves, don’cha? Of course ya do! You’re the Hot Dog Bread Guy!

Have a safe and wonderful Memorial Day, free of guilt and shame.

 

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