Starkist Tuna Announces Henry Rollins New Spokesperson

 

We’re gon-na have a tu-na party tonight! Alright!! Henry Rollins, and his fiery, outspoken brand of honesty is the new spokesperson for Starkist tuna.

Announced on Twitter by the company’s mascot, Charlie, who is a tuna fish, hence being problematic because like, WTF Starkist–your mascot is the thing you hunt, gut, can, and sell to the public. Pretty fucked up, but who are we to judge?

The Tweet very simply said: “Iggy Pop turned us down, so Henry Rollins is our guy. Everyone cool with that? Awesome. #TunaLife”

Rollins, known as the frontman of legendary hardcore band Black Flag and for marathon performances as a spoken word artist, is looking forward to his new gig,

“There is a type of poetry to opening a can of tuna fish. It’s not just a protein boost or light option for lunch, it’s an opportunity to really get to know yourself. It’s an opportunity for reflection, to breathe in a whiff of all that tuna water, and ask important questions. In every can of Starkist tuna, there is a little piece of your past. And probably some mercury.”

Rollins will especially focus on Starkist’s Creations line of products that include pouches of flavored tuna and salmon that you can tear open and alienate yourself from everyone at the office.

“I, myself, eat at least 3 or 4 Tuna Creations after every show. I like the Lemon Dill flavor because it inspires me to mention how much I can taste the dill, even though no one else is in the room with me,” commented Rollins.

Look for Rollins’ Starkist ads on social media, websites, and Xeroxed ‘zines in the very near future!

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