Time is funny. We never seem to have enough, and yet, we’ve always had the same amount. You have time, you make time, and you take time, which is kinda the same as…pork.
The sad truth is is that we never have pork when we need it. How many times have you been sitting around your house, deeply confronting your mortality on a scale too large to be able to explain to your kids, and thought to yourself, Goddamn I wish I had some pork right now. Well, my friend, rest assured, those days are over.
Introducing: Porque — it’s pork, delivered fresh, and just in time for dinner.
Porque is the first pork-delivery service that successfully ships delicious cuts of pork directly to your doorstep in under 30 minutes. We carry a full assortment of chops, loin roasts, belly cuts, back bacon and all that other gross shit that people eat, like the snouts and ears and whatever. Our pork is 100% organic, free of antibiotics, and from pigs that were raised on a farm that allowed them to have sex every once in a while. Pigs need sex, too, after all.
Our pork is delivered directly to you thanks to a complex system of logistics. First, download our app, and fill in your information. We promise not to share your data with any third-parties except for my cousin who runs a stand-up show on the east side. He’ll probably add you to his e-mail list, but he’s funny, we swear. Next, on the app, select which tasty mound of pork you’d like to honk your face into for the evening. Finally, an ex-con we hired at a reasonably low hourly rate will speed to your house in a Jeep, leave your pork on your doorstep, ring your bell, and run away. It’s that simple!
Pricing starts at $3.99/pound or $120 a month. Collect reward points, too, for deals, merch, and surprises!
There’s never been a better time for pork than now. You have pork, you make pork, and you take pork–kinda like time LOL
Porque: Watch Pigs Fly…Right to Your Door
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