At the turn of the century, New England was more than just a hot spot for trade and venereal diseases. Seafood was abundant and if you clomped along the Main Streets of the region you would find aromatic vats of chowders, stews, broths, and other unidentifiable viscous treats. One psycho from Boston, though, decided that clams and eggs deserved to be together.
Abraham Manure invented Clam Frittata Pops in 1907 and even though the mayor had him shot for creating such a travesty, the recipe and its origins have found new life in modern times. Partly because we’re bored and partly because we need some desperate connection to the past where our lives were never defined by Likes and Comments, this age-old recipe is exactly how Abraham made it, and we’re happy to share it with you today!
Abraham Manure’s Clam Frittata Pops
Makes: 6 servings
27 clams, preferably without cancer, shucked
Pint of lemon juice
11 eggs from a chicken that’s been listening to Megadeth songs for 12 hours straight
1 red bell pepper, chopped
½ cup of that gross ketchup water that spills out when you first tip the bottle
Salt and pepper, duh
Chopped parsley (optional, but we feel like being dicks. We know you won’t do it, but you should.)
- OK, first things first: cancel whatever plans you have today because guess what? This recipe requires commitment and if you struggle with that, then you may as well move along and buy the microwave version. We don’t recommend the microwave bullshit. Why don’t you challenge yourself for once in life? Take something on, rise to the occasion, and prove to yourself that you don’t always choose the easy way of doing things.
- Take the clams and scream obscenities at them. They deserve it.
- Now dump the clams into the lemon juice and walk away for a few hours. You need to cool down and work some shit out. I mean, you really screamed some fucked up stuff back there and it had more to do with you, than those clams. Have a glass of wine and think things over.
- When you’re finally acting like an adult again, crack all the eggs into a bowl. Whisk them. LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
- Take the red bell pepper and add it to the eggs. Make sure you’re whistling when you do so that anyone around you thinks that what you’re doing comes naturally, like you’ve been doing this for years.
- Throw the onion on the ground as hard as you can. Watch it maintain its shape and structure and wonder, Are you an onion? Multilayered and tough, able to make people cry for no reason because you might not have a heart? These are profound questions only you might know.
- In the meantime, pick up the onion, peel off the skin and cut it into quarters.
- Scramble the eggs on a low flame in a cast iron skillet and season that bitch with salt and pepper.
- Drain the clams. That sounds weird when you say it out loud.
- OK–now what you do is gently fold the clams into the egg mixture until it’s all firm and settled and shit.
- Put it in the oven at, oh, I don’t know, whatever temperature you think it should be. 400? That sounds good. And keep it in there for a little while. Don’t be weird about it. Just let it bake f’Chrissakes.
- Take your onion quarters and scoop some of that egg/clam shit on to it.
- With a Bowie knife your granddad kept hidden in a tool shed since the 70’s, stab through one of the quarters, garnish with the ketchup water and parsley, and start eating.