Meet the Baby Born with Bagels for Eyes!

Aaron Telly is 8 months old. He giggles when you gently poke his belly. He smiles when you sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. And he has bagels for eyes.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” shrugged Dr. Aasaf when asked about Aaron’s official diagnosis. “The kid’s got bagels for eyes. Let’s just call it Bagel Eye Syndrome. Would that make you happy?”

Dr. Aasaf, frustrated and stumped, is not unlike most of the doctors at Mount Religion Hospital & Care, where Aaron was born. He’s desperately tried to explain exactly how two perfectly shaped bagels, tender to the bite, and with a firm and flavorful outer crust, can take the place of eyes on a child.

Aaron is not blind. In fact, his vision is perfect for a child his age and shows no signs of diminishing. The bagels? They’ve yet to mold and smell terrific every morning. Throughout the day they harden slightly, but never fully go stale. By all accounts, these are fresh bagels for eyes.

Aaron’s parents have been approached by medical journals from around the world to study Aaron, but they remain hesitant to any agreements.

“We don’t think Aaron should be used as a test subject. He’s a healthy baby boy who happens to have bagels for eyes and we think that’s something to be celebrated, not examined. He may be different, but he’s not incapable of having a normal life,” said Aaron’s parents through a publicist.

Aside from the endless calls from world renown doctors, the Telly family has also fielded requests from Einstein Bros., Lender’s, and Philadelphia Cream Cheese for possible sponsorship. At this time, there are no plans to feature Aaron as a spokesperson.

However, there are plans to allow this baby born with bagels for eyes to live the best life possible. 

“Off the record,” said the Telly family publicist, “I think these parents are nuts. They should cash in while they can. Lemme tell ya, this kid ain’t special. He’s just like all the rest except he’s got bagels for eyes and ya know what? They’re plain bagels. Nothing special about that. Wait a sec–are you writing this all down?”

For little Aaron, the world shall forever be seen through his bagels for eyes. But for the rest of us, we’ll forever see Aaron as the baby who defied the odds–and survived a world that was never intended for those with bagels for eyes.

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