The 9 Most Essential Foods for Silencing Your Demons

We all have our foibles and we’re all human beings with the exception of the guy who defends the music of The Doors. Life is tough. Without the comfort of our favorite foods, we’d have no way to cope with the demons that burrow deep into our conscious, and tear away at every fiber of morality with their fangs. The next time you’re awake until sunrise and can’t jack off back to sleep, give these essential foods a try.

1. An entire sack of corn chips

An old time fave!

2. Cupcakes  

Eat them. Eat them all. They are all for you because you are good. You are good.

3. Scrambled eggs with chicken nuggets

Show that chicken how much of a monster you can be when you smother it’s ground up rib meat with its potential offspring. It really is quite the power trip and often understated!

4. A TV dinner while you’re not wearing any clothes

Strip down and pick any ol’ TV dinner of your choosing. We highly recommend a tasty plastic tray of saucy meat with a green “vegetable” grown in the same vicinity that was testing makeup on rats.

5. Eggrolls smashed with a hammer

Smash smash smash! Eat eat eat!

6. Peppermint tea

A soothing cup of peppermint tea is enough to convince you that everything will be OK. Or will it? Best to keep sipping ‘til you’ve internally exhausted every possibility of happiness.

7. Veal

Eating veal has proven to confirm the existence of Satan and his (her?) army of Dark Children that nestle on the banks of your soul, quietly waiting…waiting…

8. Coffee

Why silence your demons when you can introduce them all to each other at the same time RIGHT???????

9. Rye toast with a slice of Swiss cheese

A low-fat cheese like Swiss combined with the nutritious grains of rye bread can work wonders on your screaming desire to end it all.

 

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