BREAKING: CDC Issues Recall of that Sandwich You Bought at 3 A.M.

Reports are slowly trickling in of another possible E. coli outbreak. Though local hospitals, clinics, and medical facilities have reported no admissions of persons with E. coli, it is still believed you have it. The source, according to the Center for Disease Control, is that sandwich you bought at 3 in the morning last night from that deli on 11th Street. Continue reading →

What If Chickens Were the Size of Horses?

If chickens were the size of horses they’d beat the shit out of us. They’d be strutting around as usual, then flail their wings and uncontrollably peck at our eyes while we checked Instagram. They wouldn’t eat bird seed or corn or salami. They would eat small children and Volkswagens and the President of the United States because when a chicken is pissed, it is FUCKIN pissed, man. Continue reading →

Taco Bell to Begin Just Scooping Things Into Your Hands

Doritos. Fried chicken. Eggs. All of these have served as vehicles for Taco Bell’s fixins, from their wrapper…to your belly. As Taco Bell becomes synonymous for its inventive creations, their fans wonder what they could possibly do next to top themselves. Today, we learned of Taco Bell’s next promotion and get ready, because it has absolutely nothing to do with taco shells–unless you count your hands when they’re shaped like one! Continue reading →

How to Tell If You Are Drinking Red Wine or White Wine

The rewards of a good glass of wine far exceed any other beverage. Wine brings us together–in celebration, in grief, and in that weird phase of life when you’re in your mid-20’s and think it’s time to be “more mature”.

Wine. Nature’s great elixir. At the end of a long day, a good glass awaits. Is it red? Or is it white? Read on as we closely examine the difference. Continue reading →